IN MY OUTBOX

Dear Pastor Jones,

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for all of the time and energy you’ve put into promoting International Burn a Qur’an Day in your community as well as on the world wide web. I am a firm believer in that there is no such thing as bad press, and your constant chatter regarding Islam and its holy book has saved myself and other Muslims hundreds of conversations regarding the faith. During the holy month of Ramadan, any work saved is appreciated.

While I’m currently residing in an Islamic kingdom and don’t have access to American-broadcast CNN (women aren’t allowed to watch TV here as it’s too provocative), last night my brother forwarded me the link to the article that the network put up on their website regarding your event, as well as the video of your appearance on the program Rick’s List. Praise God, what a miracle that your press made it past the modesty censors! While the lighting in which you were placed wasn’t very flattering, it is clear that your moustache exudes a certain wanton charm. Your wife must be very proud.

In the video clip which I viewed only after tying the headscarf that my husband forces me to wear, I observed that you don’t appear overly-convicted in your arguments that Islam is “deceptive,” “violent” and “of the devil.” It was apparent that Rick Sanchez was hot and bothered over your incendiary comments regarding a faith to which he doesn’t even subscribe; you, on the other hand, looked lukewarm at best, perhaps irritated more with the driver that cut you off in traffic this morning or the fact that you haven’t had a bowel movement in several days than because of any Gainesville-area Muslims (though, to be frank, it doesn’t seem as though you’ve ever actually met a Muslim before).

Without passion for your cause, Pastor, you come off as ignorant and ill-informed. Without zeal and vigor for what you believe in – however unfounded those beliefs may be – you come off as bigoted rather than radical. Is this how you lead your congregation, with sermons presented in a prejudicial monotone and insipid meetings with the press?

What disappoints me most about all of this, Pastor, is not your intention to bring people around the world (for that is what you meant by “international,” is it not?) together in hatred. Nor is what offended me the act of burning Islam’s most sacred text, written in our eyes by the same God that you worship (in the Christian tradition, he’s Jesus’ father. Remember him? The one who created us all, and to whom we all shall return? Yup, same guy.).

The only thing about the article, interview and event being held next month that caught my attention was the the lack of fire in your eyes and the weakness of your punch. Your blog posts are poorly-written and riddled with grammatical inconsistencies, and your arguments about why mozlems are going to hell are elementary. At the risk of editorializing, I find your poor usage of the English language in which to deliver your message to be insulting.

(And while we’re getting personal, I’d also like to point out that in standard American English, the stressed vowel in the word Muslim is pronounced “uh” like cup and not like the “o” like Honda.)

I’ve chosen to write you this letter to remind you that if you’re going to be involved in something that’s aimed at garnering international attention, you rhetoric needs to be on par with other radicals and revolutionaries. Your peers in this hateful arena don’t just do something, they pursue it every moment of the day; they don’t just say something, but instead declare it boldly. If your plan is to openly disrespect the entire Muslim community on Earth, the least you could do is be passionate and articulate about it. Otherwise, you’re just embarrassing yourself and the handful of other intolerant Americans with whom you break bread.

Sincerely,

Unflapped